Grief Graffiti

You would have been 27 today…
Celebrating your birthday knowing I was so lucky to have you as long as I did. Love you to the  & back!

Today was hard. I had been starting to plan things for his birthday the last few months, including ordering a gift, making a canvas out of a collage of photos he made in grade school that he treasured, planning a possible trip for us. Instead he passed just 40 days before his 27th birthday.

As I sit here typing this, trying to put into words the indescribable pain I’m feeling on my son’s first birthday after his passing, I am inconsolable. Up until today, the busyness of organizing memorials and handling the aftermath of his departure had kept me occupied, shielding me from the full force of my grief. But today, oh, today… it hit me like a tidal wave, leaving me drowning in sorrow. The absence of his physical presence on a day that is typically filled with celebration and joy intensifies the grief and evokes a range of emotions; sadness, longing, and a profound sense of emptiness.

“The sadness that your loved one won’t have another birthday is a painful secondary loss, and, though their birthday should be easier to face in time, it will always be a little sad. You can’t erase this pain because as long as you love the person who died, you will be sad they aren’t here. However, you can tell your sadness to move over and make room for other thoughts, memories, and emotions at the birthday table.”

Eleanor Haley, “What’s Your Grief”

We had held his Celebration of Life as close to his birthday as possible, which was March 26th (see Celebration of Life page) so we didn’t feel up to organizing another big event. But his younger brother, Troy, and I wanted to do something to mark his Birthday and create a tradition. So we went to a restaurant he loved (his favorite restaurant had closed down), spent some time reflecting on memories of him & did a champagne toast in his honor. It was simple and comforting. I think traditions to mark these milestones are important, and we plan on starting a more lasting tradition for his next birthday.

Today is filled with memories

With happiness and tears

Of Birthday celebrations we’ve shared throughout the years.

And though I’ll always miss you

The endless joy you brought

Warms my heart with gratitude and fills my every thought.

Where ever you are resting

I hope that you can see

How precious and uplifting

Your memory is to me.

I feel that you are with me

In everything I do

So I’ll celebrate your Birthday

But I’ll spend it Missing You.

–Memes Bams