Grief Graffiti

This little poem expressed exactly how I feel these days. That “space between” who we were & who we are can be so confusing & scary. There’s a lot of questioning myself; am I making enough progress? Am I working hard enough on my goals? Am I fulfilling my purpose? As Kirsten says in her poem, “Would he be proud of me? Of who I have become?”

I do feel a little lighter since I passed the one-year mark, a little less tightness in my chest, a little easier to breathe. A part of me knows this is just another phase & I will most likely experience the heavy grief again at some unexpected moment. Knowing that tends to make me worry that I’m just going in circles, that I’m not gaining any ground. At times like this we need to hear someone say they “see” us doing the best we can, as she went on to say in her post:

“We always tell ourselves that the people we love will be around forever, until one day — they aren’t anymore. And I know you’re missing them right now. That it feels like a visceral ache, deep within a part of yourself you did not know existed until the day you lost them. So today, I hope you remember that they live on within you, not just in your heart — but in the way you infuse their care and kindness into everything you do. In the way you take risks, knowing that tomorrow is not promised. In the way you so courageously stay open to new possibilities, even when you feel like you simply can’t keep going. In the way you continue to love so fiercely and purely, despite knowing the terror and grief of loss. I hope you remember that even when you lose someone you love, the love you shared lives on. Their love is always with you. They are still with you. Sending you a big hug. I love you.”

~Kirsten Robinson, Naked Writing