Grief Graffiti

Some days we just need a reminder that whatever it is we’re feeling right now, it’s OK. Whatever we’re doing, it’s enough. Grief comes in waves. Just when you think you’re doing “better” a new wave hits. Much like in surfing, learning to ride these waves takes practice, falling off, being rolled & tossed underwater. Although the waves never stop coming, I do think we get a little better at it each time. I’m finding that “leaning in” to whatever I am feeling at the moment, experiencing it fully, “embracing the suck” as they say, not fighting it or judging it, is what gets me through.

As he says so well in this poem:

I didn’t understand how much it would hurt

to heal.

I thought I’d be further along by now.

A bit more intact.

Some days, I drift and float weightless

atop my grief.

Let it carry me freely wherever.

And others,

I’m pulled into the cold, endless depths of it. Wave after wave of reminders and memories.

I thought by now I’d be stronger.

I’d be able to swim out from the undertow

and breathe again.

I didn’t understand how much of me is missing without you.

I feel so lost.

I’m tired of condolences and well wishes.

I want to laugh with you again.

I want to see you walk through the door.

I want to hear your footsteps coming toward me once more.

I didn’t understand how quiet life would be without you here.

There’s only echoes now.

I call out and wait for a reply I know

isn’t coming.

I didn’t understand how much of my heart

was home for you.

I’m filled with empty spaces

I’m not sure what to do with now.

How much can one person lose before there’s nothing left of themselves?

I didn’t understand how much it would hurt

to heal.

But I am….. I’m hurting.

I’m healing.

~J. Raymond, The Kindred Project: Vol. II