Grief Graffiti

This week is very hard….one year ago yesterday is the last day anyone saw or heard from my son until he was found on the 19th. 

“The first year after child loss can be deeply confusing. You feel pain you’d never imagined. In fact, you begin to wonder if you ever understood grief at all, because what you’re currently feeling feels like nothing you’ve ever felt before.

Initially, there’s just so much to do. Then, the questions begin. You wonder how, why? Nothing seems real, it’s like you’re walking in a daze; neither here nor there while attempting to be in multiple mental spaces at a time. The same repetitive tape keeps rolling in your head over and over, and you being to wonder if you’ve lost your mind.

Sometime during that first year, you say to yourself, “I’m doing okay, better than I thought I’d be.” Then, the second year come into view and the waves come rolling in; harder than ever. The anxiety is overwhelming and you begin to realize, you’re just coming out of the fog. That’s what the first year after child loss is like. It’s like big, overwhelming fog of disbelief and questions.

While many talk about the healing power of time, I now know there is no amount of time that can soften the pain, or fill the void I feel. There comes a point where there doesn’t feel like there’s anywhere else to turn. Nothing will ever change what’s happened or completely fill the emptiness of the type of loss I’ve experienced, but by connecting with others, especially those who have had similar loss, I have found support and don’t feel so alone.”

~Rachel Blado, http://www.OnTheWayToWhereYoureGoing.com