Grief Graffiti

Someone asked me about you today

It’s been so long since anyone has done that

It felt so good to talk about you

to share my memories of you

to simply say your name out loud

She asked me if I minded talking about

what happened to you

or would it be too painful to speak of it

I told her I think of it every day

and speaking about it helps me to release

the tormented thoughts whirling around in my head

She said she never realized the pain

would last this long

She apologized for not asking sooner

I told her, “Thanks for asking”

I don’t know if it was curiosity

or concern that made her ask

But told her, “Please do it again sometime – soon”

– Barbara Taylor Hudson

I realized today just how much I miss talking about Tristan. His brother, Troy, and I talk about him often & Troy shares the memories that come up on his phone with me. But no one else really asks about him. Maybe they think it will remind me of the pain, but I am never not thinking about him. When it’s not intense debilitating pain it’s that dull ache in the background that is always, will always, be there. Talking about him may make me tear up or cry, but believe me, it’s not because we’re talking about him, it’s because I love &miss him so much. And I need to talk about that. I need to express that. I want people to ask what he was like, what he loved, who he was. It feels like he’s been forgotten, or purposely ignored.

I still get a few texts here and there from his friends sharing memories & pictures/videos of him, but not nearly as many as I did in the first few months after he passed. I realize life goes on and people get busy, but I really miss those. Maybe I just need to ask for it more often. Maybe people are afraid it will make me sad. Maybe I need to be more vocal about what I need & not just assume people should know. I’m still fairly new in this grief journey, but if I could give any advice at this point to those of you with grieving loved ones it’s this: ask about their person. Remember important dates and reach out on those days. Anytime a memory comes to mind of their loved one reach out and tell them about it. I can’t tell you how much that means to us.