The way I pictured it, all this grief would be like a winter night when you’re standing outside. You’ll warm up once you get used to the cold. Except after you’ve been out there for awhile, you feel the warmth draining out of you and you realize the opposite is happening; you’re getting colder and colder, as the body heat you brought outside with you seeps out of your skin. Instead of getting used to it, you get weaker the longer you endure it.
-Robert Sheffield
It’s been 7 months & sometimes it just feels like it’s getting harder. I was thinking about how with time some of the brain fog has lifted & all the memories of him start pouring in. Also the reality that he’s not coming back is sinking in.
“Who is a grieving mother? Does she look different from one who is not?
Is her pain visible in the smile she sometimes forces…
behind the eyes on the verge of tears?
Can you see the aging her body feels from the trauma of loss?
She’s one who still pictures herself from before the loss
and is sometimes caught off guard at the reflection looking back from the mirror.
Who is a grieving mother?
She’s one who ignores a baby shower or birthday invitation one day
because the pain is still too raw.
And the next, celebrates the small milestones, for she knows how precious they are.
She’s one who boxes up a lifetime of mementos in an afternoon
to spare her husband the pain.
Yet years later still can’t dredge up the courage to go through them again.
Who is a grieving mother?
She’s one who holds it together in the big things and falls apart over spilled milk.
Who loves deeply those closest to her, but keeps her heart guarded for protection from others.
She’s one who grimaces at the first laughs after loss but later laughs louder than most.
Who finds joy in simple things and relishes everyday moments.
Who is a grieving mother?
She’s one held hostage by dates on the calendar and unexpected triggers.
And one who will always pause for sunsets, butterflies, and sweet signs from above.
She’s one who lets go of friends unable to support her.
And one who treasures those who didn’t walk away.
Who is a grieving mother?
She’s one who can experience an array of emotions on any given day.
And one who wishes tears would come when numbness covers her.
She’s one who screams at God one moment and clings to him the next.
Who didn’t expect her faith to grow so much
from the most critical unanswered prayer she ever spoke.
Who is a grieving mother?
She is one as complicated as the grief she carries.”
-Heather Blair
Grief Graffiti 
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